Mercenary Story Rewrite (Contiuned)

[Swordfish941]

I think Greg should know some form of martial arts. I'm thinking of bartitsu. Anyone have any suggestions?

[Swordfish941]

Here's another part of my draft:

"Mornin', babe." Greg said quietly,lightly kissing her on the lips. "What are you doing up so early? You need your sleep."

"For what?"

"Your looks, what else? I know you rarely wear makeup."

"I get my looks from my mother." she said leaning against him and stroking his chin. Greg looked down at her legs. She was wearing a pair of boy shorts. Tucked inside them was a .32 caliber pistol. He snatched it from her in a blink of an eye.

"Greg!"

"What this for? Ear piercing?"

Katie grabbed the pistol back from him. "It's my gun for port calls. This is a .32 Walther PPK."

"Where do you keep it?"

"Usually in my waistband. I'm planning on buying a holster from Sharlto."

"Who's Sharlto?"

"An old friend from high school. He's now an arms dealer."

"Really."

"He smokes two bags of grass a day. He's pretty much what you get when you cross a loose cannon and an eccentric blabbermouth."

"What a character." Greg said tossing his cigarette butt into the ocean. He stepped into the doorway and turned back at Katie. "Do me a favor: next time you go see him, bring me along. You want some coffee?"

"Sure."

[Swordfish941]

This is my concept of what Greg is supposed to look like:

[Swordfish941]

This is my second concept of Greg:

[Swordfish941]

And this is my concept of Katie:

[Swordfish941]

What do you guys think of draft and concepts?

[Swordfish941]

Greg walked down the hall and turned into the third door on the right. He was now in the kitchen. It wasn't exactly a kitchen, but it was close to one. A round table was in the middle with a few chairs at it. A miniature refrigerator was in the back along with a propane oven and a a TV tray with a coffee maker and a can of grounded up coffee beans. Greg walked over and took the cup out of the top part of it. He put a filter and two scoops of coffee into it, placed it back in, and pressed the "start" button.

Greg sat down in a chair with his feet on the table. The mission they had been paid to do was impossible. He and his team were paid for an assassination. His specialty was sabotage and reconnaissance, not assassination. The man they were hired to kill and let his whole world come crumbling down was a Hutu warlord named Sasha Solom. He had his own private army with highly trained men armed to the teeth with some of the best weaponry on the continent, including the 7.62mm Kalashnikov assault rifle.

[Spartan198]

Originally Posted by Swordfish941

What do you guys think of draft and concepts?

Looking good so far.