Now we turn our attention to optics. The regular iron sights are nice, but as with any sight, the operator might find his view of the world obscured by them in the vital moments while he aims at the nuclear reactor he's trying to assassinate. What we need on our offensive pistol is a system to ensure that the operator can sight in but still see the bigger picture, so I attached a current affairs magazine to the weapon.
I realised now we have one magazine (helpfully showing the difference between a clip and a magazine) we should have dual magazines, since videogames have clearly proven that there are no disadvantages to doing this whatsoever. So I attached a second magazine to the first using a jungle tape.
Now, our extended Deagle barrel is nice if we're facing regular old burglars or communists, but in today's world the ninja black ops operator is forced to face any number of threats which don't respond to such things, such as dinosaurs. With this in mind, I added a further barrel extension to make it properly effective as an offensive handgun.
Some might argue that this barrel is excessive for a handgun, but if your handgun doesn't fit in your holster, it's because you bought the wrong size holster, duh. No operator would ever make such a mistake.
Now, all we need to add is our ballistic computer, since obviously it's sub-optimal if the operator has to go all the way up to zombie bin Laden's moonbase in order to make a clear shot. That's not why he has an offensive handgun in his holster! So, I added the computer. As you can see, all the relevant data is already programmed in and the system is ready to use off the shelf.
I think you'll agree that this tactical offensive warfighting system is a force multiplier and should replace every pistol in the entire world right now.
Note: This is a parody of those "watch as I do hideous things to a (flip a coin) to make it TACTICAL because that's what a range toy needs" threads that crop up on gun forums a depressingly large amount (heads it's an SKS, tails it's a Saiga), and / or terrible videogame forum threads about what guns new games need which are filled with people who know everything about weapons despite knowing nothing about weapons. And no, nothing that happened on this site prompted this.