[Vangelis]

Some more [some of which are more 'what I've learned about warfare,' but hey]:

* Being hit by a flamethrower or a helicopter's chin gun is less dangerous than being bayoneted or bitten by a dog.

* Despite that you can carry anything up to a thousand rounds of ammunition for your gun, enemies are always on their last mag / clip / speedloader, and it is always full or half full. It doesn't matter if they're visibly carrying entire belts of machine gun ammo or a bandolier covered in spare mags and grenades, they only have the one.

* Snipers always put visible laser sights on their weapons and operate them by looking though the scope at all times and slowly tracing a random shape with the beam. If it's World War 2, they are always sure to polish their scope to the point it produces glare at least three times brighter than the rifle's muzzle flash.

* A shot from a sniper rifle is instantly fatal to anyone wearing a helmet that covers their face.

* All squads are issued a jittery rookie who didn't want to join up in order that he can die as per the above.

* 'Relocate' means 'move at least two windows away.'

* The Soviet Union defeated Nazi Germany because their SMGs had much bigger magazines.

* It's perfectly safe to throw a fragmentation grenade inside a building with flimsy walls. There is never any risk of shrapnel penetrating walls or starting fires. This is because all videogame grenades are concussion grenades in disguise.

* Recoilless rifles and rocket launchers have no backblast area. Instead, they shoot out a harmless shower of white dust which behaves like talcum powder and is about as dangerous.

* A rocket launcher that can destroy a tank in one shot can't do a thing to harder targets, such as overturned cars, drywall or wooden doors.

* Putting a single shell into a shotgun may cause any number of shells between one and fifty to be added to the magazine.

* Wearing a hockey mask will allow you to survive an extra shotgun blast to the face or an extra three to the torso.

* Mounted guns overheat incredibly fast and never have spare barrels.

* Crew-served weapons should not be served by a crew.

* If you dismount a gun you'll have to start reloading it.

* Hearing damage is always temporary and is caused by flashbangs and explosions, but not squadmates firing machine guns right next to you.

* Brass evaporates at room temperature.

* The military is fine with you discarding a top-of-the-line modern battle rifle for a rusty AK just because you think the AK is cooler.

* A Desert Eagle is approximately equal in all meaningful ways to a designated marksman's rifle.

* New weapons are better than old weapons, but really old weapons are better than new weapons.

* Experimental weapons are deployed for combat tests at a rate of one per entire armed forces.

* Squad composition: jittery guy who dies immediately, guy who just wants to go home, angry guy, minority A, minority B, and a final guy who is ranking NCO, sniper, automatic rifleman, demolitions, medic, pointman and whatever the hell else he decides he wants to be.

* It's also a good idea to assign your most critical missions to a squad with known problems working together, or a group who have never worked together before.

* If a soldier has serious problems with discipline, he will be promoted and given important assignments until he learns to trust his CO.

* It is important the automatic rifleman's weapon is always functional, and not in any way a bad idea for squadmates to attempt a muzzle inspection while it's being fired.

* The ability to absorb infinite amounts of firepower is directly related to how much like a crate something looks.

* It's ok for a 'realistic' AI to blind-fire and throw grenades so much it's obvious every soldier has infinite ammo.

* Combined arms means rifles, machine guns and shotguns. If actual support is present, it will have to wait until the enemy comes to it.

* Anti-tank weapons are correctly deployed by throwing them in a heap wherever your tanks are, next to an open crate full of ammo.

* Mortars are designed to fire shots totally at random without any spotting or attempts to hit a specific area.

* Having an EOTech sight fitted is no reason to actually switch it on.

* Grenades trigger a soldier's spidey sense.

* Under no circumstances should a breaching weapon ever actually be used for breaching anything.

* An enemy soldier issued with a shotgun is not allowed to carry any other weapon.

* Mouseholing is impossible.

* The correct response to a squadmate receiving an instantly fatal gunshot wound is to scream "MEDIIIIIIC!" at the top of your lungs, even if your squad has no medic or you're the squad's medic. If there is a medic, he will never chew you out for risking his life and the lives of others to call him to a corpse.

* A Javelin with three reloads and a .45 pistol with a half dozen mags are exactly the same size and weight.

* If you're an enemy soldier, you must loudly report your status and that of your weapon at all times to nobody in particular, especially if you're reloading, your weapon is jammed, or you're throwing a grenade. It is also considered unfair not to shout "I SEE YOU" or something to that effect before firing on an enemy you have the element of surprise over.

* Strategy will be built around ignoring the enemy's most powerful weapon until it's been fired and wiped out at least half your force.

* Military training is always administered by R. Lee Ermey and takes one day. The soldier will be familiarised with the functionality of his neck, then his legs, then allowed to fire several weapons. There is no possibility of failing the training. The remainder of his time in basic will be spent learning to talk like Steven Jay Blum.