First of all, 10mm Auto is not a shitty caliber. It is the .357 Magnum for automatics, and from what I hear does a good job with recoil and power. It's only shortcoming is the fact that it isn't very popular, or as popular as other handgun calibers.
Second, 9mm sidearm is, for all intents and purposes, the best caliber for a handgun. It's THE military handgun caliber, it's everywhere, it's relatively cheap, and reasonably powered with more than manageable recoil. With good defense ammo like Gold Dots or Golden Sabers you'll take down whatever you might need to.
.45 ACP is a close second, and the only reason it falls short, in my opinion, is it's cost and the capacity issue. Performance wise it's better than 9mm, and I'd feel safe loading ball ammo for self defense, something I wouldn't do with 9mm. I've got one fo each and I like both, but 9mm, as an "all purpose" round, has a slight edge.
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