Literary plot outline
 

Hey everyone,
From my Literary weapons thread you should know that i am slowly writing out a book. Recently I typed up a section of the plot and I'd like some opinions about the section of plot. I must warn everyone that I do deal with subjects that alot of people will find touchy and I let the reader make their own moral judgements.

Plot Outline

Maria wakes up.
Maria gets a message from Dominique.
Maria leaves her room and runs into a high Juan.
Juan is in the middle of narcotic induced psychosis.
Maria beats the hell out of him using a combination of barely remembered martial arts training and utterly ruthless brutality
Leaving Juan on the floor she heads into a bathroom to clean up.
Juan's father angrily confronts Maria about Juan. Maria shoves her .357 under his chin and tells him to reign in his son before someone treats him like a mad dog.
Maria runs to her room imputs a code into her PC and grabs a couple of Bail out bags as she leaves.
She tosses the bags into the same SUV that is taking Juan to the hospital. she tells everyone that she's taking him alone.
Don Tomasa orders a gunman to shoot Maria, he misses.
Don Tomasa gets a phonecall from Dominique. Just before Dominique's RPV blows away the gunman and the front gate.
Maria drops Juan off at the hospital.
She then visits a bunch of drop boxes for IDs, Money and other necessities.
Maria buys a VW Thing and transfers her stuff and the SUVs stash of guns into it.
Maria drives into the desert vaguely heading towards Juarez.
She stops in the middle of nowhere to vent and then buries most of the weapons.
+++
Johnny is walking down the street when he notices a cute girl with a dog.
He walks up to her and asks if he can help her.
After helping the girl get the dog watered they start walking together.
Maria puts her arm around Johnny's.
Johnny warns her that what she's doing with a strange guy isn't that safe and Maria replies that she has a gun.
They end up talking about violence.
Maria admits to Johnny that she just left the DeSilva organization and it is dangerous to be around her,
Johnny tells Maria that she reminds him of someone he lost and that he doesn't care.
Johnny offers her dinner.
While the couple is eating Maria's father arrives with goons.
Maria's father kills the dog when it gets between him and his daughter.
He then orders Johnny be taken out back.
Johnny is the one to walk back into the eatery.
After a short nasty one sided firefight the couple leaves out the back.
Maria stomps on Roger's neck.
They get to their vehicles and stash Maria's thing and her pistol.
latter after they have gotten away a shaking Maria asks Johnny why he didn't kill her father.
Maria uses her real ID to get across the border for the first time in a very long while.
+++
Maria ends up on a chair in Johnny's apartment.
She can't really sleep so she spends most of the night watching Johnny soundly sleep.
In the morning one of Johnny's apartment mates comments on Maria's scars.
Maria spends the next few day's getting an apartment under an assumed name and making plans for her future.
Over the next weekend Johnny takes Maria four-Wheeling and Maria really enjoys it.
Having found Johnny's Suburban to be a bit large for her tastes she buys a Bronco.
Maria starts looking up the family of a man she saw murdered.
She ends her days practicing various martial art techniques.
+++
Through Dominique and some electronic surveillance devices Maria learns of an Israeli assassin who has been sent after her.
Via google Maria finds the relative of the slain man.
Maria meets Dizzy and her daughter,
After Maria leaves Johnny talks with Dizzy.
Maria runs smack into her assassin and tries to talk him out of the job.
+++
Maria ends up in a hospital and tells the FBI, DEA, BATFE, State and local cops to all "kiss her ass".
Upon her release she dodges the press and starts walking home.
She receives a phone call from a Cherry Brant. Cherry is a DIA employee who Juan tried having killed due to her being assigned to watch the cartels of that part of the border.
The meet and Cherry takes Maria home with her. Maria politely turns down an offer to recruit her.
In the middle of the night Maria finds herself comforting Cherry's daughter who had a nightmare about the assassination attempt.
+++
The next day Johnny and Maria are talking about the incident when Gwen shows up.
Gwen and Maria get along like gasoline and a blowtorch. Maria finally shuts Gwen up by showing the scars on Maria's back.
+++
Meanwhile Dominique has been playing Electronic Viking with the DeSilva cartel's financial records.
+++
Johnny talks with Dizzy and gets tickets to a show for Maria and himself. Johnny and Maria enjoy the show and the company of their age group.
Maria notices Dizzy having a fling with a blonde in the back of a car.
After the show Johnny and Maria talk about Amber.
In the morning Johnny and Maria make love.
Maria and Dominique talk about relationships and Sexuality.
While hanging out with Johnny and his friends Maria is approached by Naomi Watts of the regional FBI office.
Idiot in an Impala tries to kill Maria with said FBI agent in the vehicle.
Johnny sets up a wilderness pack for Maria.
A corrupt cop visits Maria and leads a hit team to Maria.
Johnny is attacked by a lone gunman.
As soon as they can Johnny and Maria head out into the desert.
Through a front company Dominique helped set up Maria has a place far from Civilization.
The pair spend their time setting up the place and making love.
They are attacked by a rogue Mexican unit under the employ of the DeSilva Cartel.
When she gets back to civilization Maria confronts Cherry Brant and wants in on the group that's been quietly bleeding the DeSilva Cartel dry.
In exchange Maria gives Cherry proof that Juan was behind the attacks that killed two of her loved ones.
Johnny and Maria meet with the group that turns out to be a half dozen mostly American former Special forces operators.
The group tests the couple's skills and find Johnny has a 2,200+ round a month habit and Maria's very skilled with the design and manufacture of IEDs.
First target is Juan's little MAC-10 factory and the workers are taken down and it's made to look like a raid by another group.
Second target is a Ranch on the US side of the border that has given Maria a real hinky feeling.
Said ranch turns out to be part of a sexual trafficking ring.
Johnny shoots the surrendered workers and no one wants to stop him.
Third target is Tomasa DeSilva himself. He and his wife are killed, and somehow Juan survives.

Can you give me the abridged version of this plot?

no problem,
Basically it's you have a girl from a criminal family leave her father and his drug traficing pals. She meets up with a guy who was raised by a LEO. They try to be typical older teens young adults until they get tired of Maria's old Cartel trying to kill them both and end things really hard.

mmmmm.......any sex scenes.........

Yes there are going to be implied and a few sex scenes. I'm trying to portray the characters as human beings and not 2-D action movie type characters.

lol I was kidding but okay...

everyone has a reason for their actions and every action effects everything else.

Thus Maria and Johnny survive while other's do not.

A fellow writer, huh? Sounds like a book I'd buy. Maria sounds like my kind of girl. :)

I just write for fun in my free time(what little I have). Sure i would love to see things published but I honestly am not that good although i have seen worse writings than myself published as a series of novels. the Phoenix series with it's 7.62X5.56mm M-60 machineguns fireing 230 grain hollow points comes to mind.

I am also a writer myself. Infact, I'm working on a novel myself. It's about mercinaries in South Africa and it's set mostlt in the country and one part takes place in Mozambique. I'll start a new thread to give you more details.

Don't worry about starting a new thread I don't mind useing this one to bounce story ideas around.

Thanks. I tried to start another thread but it just felled apart.

My novel is like Black Lagoon, but it only keeps the basics (a group of mercinaries sailing around in a PT boat). The boat's crew consists of five mercs named Greg, Ares, Rocco, Katie, and Johnny. Greg and Ares both served in the South African Army and they serve as the captian and first mate of the ship (Ares is also the ship's cook). Katie is Greg's girlfriend and is the ship's nurse. Rocco is the puerto rican engineer and has an alchol problem. Johnny is the crew's newest member and used to work for multi international company.

Here's a list of weapons each of the characters use.

-Greg's sidearm is a M1911A1 pistol that has been customized by adding a skelitonized hammer, adjustible sights, and black checkered grips. He keeps it on a belt holster and loads it with .45 Hollow Point rounds.

-Greg uses a M4 Carbine that's been modified with a EOtech 552 holographic sight in place of the carry handle and a Surefire Millennium Universal weaponlight on the right rail while in Mozambique. He also pockets a Webley Mk VI and a Walther P38 off of two Renamo rebels and use them to start a pistol collection.

-Some of the weapons that he keeps in his gun locker includes a Mossberg 500 Cruiser fitted with a spare shell holder, a M40A1 sniper rifle fitted with a Harris bipod and sound suppressor, a Heckler & Koch G36C, and a Norinco Type 56-1 fitted with a AKM style muzzle break.

-Ares' sidearm is a Heckler & Koch Mk23 Mod 0 which is kept in a belt holster. He is given a .44 Magnum Desert Eagle Mk XlX fitted with a stainless frame by Johnny.

-Ares uses a M4A1 Carbine fitted with a M68 Aimpoint scope and a M203 Grenade launcher while in Mozambique. He knicknames the gun "The Beast".

- Some of the weapons that he keeps in his gun locker includes a South African made Heckler & Koch G3 rifle fitted with black furniture (and latemodified with a Leupold scope), two Remington 870's (one fitted with ghost ring sights and a Surefire 618 weaponlight and the other fiitted with a high capicity magazine tube), a Barrett M107 sniper rifle, and a Heckler & Koch MP5A2 fitted with a Navy trigger group.

-Rocco uses a M16A2 rifle while in Mozambique. He is given to it by a Mozambique Officier when he tells him he only brought his Beretta and a bandolier of hand grenades. It is fitted with a 30-round magazine and a tactical flashlight.

- Johnny carries Greg's G36C when in Mozambique. He customizes it by adding a Leupold CQ/T rifle scope and clips a magazine on the right and left sides of the one he has in.

- The Mozambique army carries M16A2 rifles fitted with 20-round magazines (which the U.N. provided). They also have FN MAG machine guns mounted on trucks and helicopters.

-Renamo rebels mostly carry FN FAL 50.00 rifles. Luca, a commander, carries a MP40 submachine gun. A 12 Gauge Double Barreled shotgun is carried by a Renamo base guard.

-A Renamo rebel uses a Tokarev TT-33 to wound Greg in the shoulder.

Wait a minute...Mozambique's civil war ended in 1992. Most of the weapons you mentioned (including the M4A1, the G36C, etc.) would not have existed at that time. Also, I'm pretty sure most of the weapons RENAMO used in that conflict were captured Soviet and Chinese-made weapons that the SADF sent them from their conflicts in Angola, Namibia, etc.

Also, why do you want to make SA mercenaries and RENAMO rebels into protagonists? RENAMO had an awful human rights record, plus they were basically a proxy force created by the South African government with almost no political purpose besides serving their own interests.

I forgot to mention that the story takes place in 2016 and history sometimes repeats itself. Plus the mercs are on the FRELIMO side not the RENAMO side. As for the weapons, I want to use a little variety rather than your ordinary AK-47 and RPG (kind of like what Michael Mann does with guns in his movies). I haven't got to the Mozambique part, but I'm getting close to it.:)

Ah, I see. Though I'm really not sure what RENAMO would be fighting for, considering that they had almost no political goals or program when they were created by South Africa to make trouble for FRELIMO.

I'm working on a scene where Greg and Katie make love. They have a few glasses of chablis and soon they start to kiss. Katie's in this red dress and Greg's wearing a dress shirt with a pair of khaki pants. Greg then takes off his shirt and undos his belt. Katie then takes off her panties and flings them in his face. He calls her a naughty girl and the scene then cuts from there. Is that romantic or not?

Here are a few more weapons that will appear in the story:

-Rocco's sidearm is a Beretta 92FS. He loses it in Mozambique when he is shot in the arm by Luca.

- Luca's sidearm is a Makarov PM. He uses it in the standoff between the mercinaries and the Renamo rebels.

- A Browning M2 Machine gun fitted with a heat shield and snail drum magazine is mounted on the stern of the "The Archangel", Greg's ship. The boat is 75ft long, 20ft tall, and 20ft wide.

- Greg keeps a RPG-7 fitted with an optical sight, M321 fragmentation grenades (a Portugese version of the M26 Hand Grenade that was adopted by the South African Army), six M18 Smoke Grenades, and a M82A1 Claymore in the armory.

Go get em and good luck.

Hey Rockwolf, I got a few ideas for your book.

- A toture scene where where Johnny shoots the fingers off a DeSilva peon named Rallo Ramirez and cauterizes them with a cigarrette lighter (I got it from "Man on Fire").

- Johnny and Maria are making love in a hotel room. A DeSilva hitman sneaks in and tries to kill them with a suppressed Browning Hi-Power, but Maria grabs her .357 Magnum off a nightstand and shoots him with it.

That's all I have, but you could put it in the story somehow. Now could you give some story ideas for my book? I'm stuck at a part where the crew stops in Port Elizabeth to get supplies. Also who would you want to play your charecters if they adapt your book for a film?

Johnny and Maria are Professionals and as such they don't torture people. There are much better ways to get answers out of someone.

As far as someone breaking into their room while they are enjoying each other's company....Not happening in the three story arcs i have for them so far.

As far as the torture scene, I gotta agree with Rockwolf that there are better ways to get information out of people. I've always thought that the fear of being tortured is more likely to get someone to talk than the actual torturing is. Plus you've always gotta consider the legitimacy of information gained from torture.

The hotel scene, however, peaks my interest and I might use something similar to it in one of my own stories, if you don't mind (my character uses USP45s instead, though; she's not a fan of revolvers or magnum calibers ;)).

Here is yet even more firearms seen in my novel:

- Shartlo Blair, the arms dealer that Greg and Ares visit, offers them a FN FAL fitted with wooden furniture and a telescopic sight and a RPK light machine gun, but they decline. Instead they buy two suppressors used for .45 caliber handguns, a box of 40mm HE grenades, and a dozen 30 round STANAG magazines.

- RENAMO rebels that the Group first run into are armed with SKS rifles.

- Luca's right hand man Rafael carries a PPSh-41 submachine gun while hunting Greg.

- The leader of the soldiers Raymond and the private David both carry Vektor R5 rifles.

Here's my basic outline for the Mozambique part: the group is ambushed and Greg gets captured by RENAMO. He is taken to thier base (an old church) for interrogation. He is placed in a room with his hands tied around chair that he is seated in. Luca, Rafael, and two other RENAMO rebels are in the room. When Greg doesn't answer thier questions, Rafael would hit him across the face with the butt of his gun. They are interrupted by gunfire outside the church.

Luca and Rafael leave to investagate and place the two men in charge. Greg uses the last of his strengh, forces himself up on his feet and tackles one of the guards. His hands are freed and he takes the guards Walther P38 and shoots the other guard. He retrieves his weapons and bag, and takes the Walther and the other guard's Webley Mk VI for himself. When he exits the room, he is spotted by Rafael, who fires his gun at him. Thinking fast, Greg jumps out a window near him. Rafael runs out after him and tackles him. They wrestle and Greg ends it by emptying the magazine of his .45 into Rafael's stomach.

Greg takes refuge in the remains of a bombed out cafe. Later that night he tries to commit suicide, knowing that the rebels would soon find him and that he is far away from the group. However, he stops by the fact that he wants to see Katie again. He leaves the next morning in search of his friends. Greg is then ambushed by a group of RENAMO rebels in a truck that has a DShk machine gun on it. The truck is suddenly knocked off course by an explosion and the men on the truck are killed by an unknown assilant. It turns out that the assilant is Ares. They have a brief reunion and Ares leads him to an apartment that his group has been using as a base.

Ares reveals that the group of soldiers that they were suppose to meet have all been killed with the exception of two. The first is the leader named Raymond while the second is a private named David. They have been holed up in the apartment for three days.

You should totally have a scene where someone shoots someone with a single shot from a suppressed glock, then, as if having second thoughts, puts the 33 round magazine in and unscrews the suppressor, and unloads into the victim's back.

If you are refering to me, I veto the idea. It sounds plainly ridiculous. Plus my characters don't use Glocks, but rather use weapons that are available to them (.45's, shotguns, Kalashniklovs, etc.). Glock's are too expensive for them and it costs a large amount of Rands (South African currency).

I'm possibly the only person on this thread who's going the preferences, appearances, and background of my characters. Anyway, here it goes:

- Greg is a white, 28 year old man. He was born in Liverpool, England but moved to South Africa when he was four. His father worked as a policeman while his mother was a housewife. Greg is described as having dark brown hair (which he keeps in a mullet), hazel eyes, and whiskers (he shaves every two or three days to keep it from growing into a beard). He's very genorous and open minded, always willing to give his opinion. He smokes Marlboro's cigarrettes, smoking one packet every two weeks and lights them with a Zippo lighter. His favorite drink is rum, usually dark rum served on the rocks, but he limits himself to two drinks a day. He likes to listen to classical and Big Band music. His best friend is Ares and his girlfriend is Katie.

- Ares (real name Anthony) is 31 year old man with a mixed heritage of Samoan and white. His mother was Samoan and his father is of Dutch desciant. His mother died during childbirth with him. His father owns a resturant in East London where Ares grew up. He has dirty blond hair and blue eyes. His skin has a light tan to it. He also has a muscular build. He hates to get involed in war, rather preffering to do small jobs. He likes the works of Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, and Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He smokes cigars (preferably Cubans) and uses a matchbook to light them. His favorite drink is brandy or whiskey, served on the rocks. He is best friends with Greg and currently is in no romantic relationship.

- Kate "Katie" Barkley is a 26 year old woman. She has a heritage of Dutch and Italian. Her mother suffered from Ovarian cancer, inspiring her to become a doctor. She is a Med school graduate and is an expert in cardiology. She has long, light brown hair, green eyes, and medium sized breasts. She is a former Marijuana smoker, a fact which she hids from Greg. She rarely drinks, put prefers Castle Lager beer when she does.She doesn't do mercenary work like everyone else on the ship, but prefers to treat thier wounds. While the others are working, she prefers to pass her time reading, watching films in the break room, and go target practicing with her stainless M1911A1 (a gift from Greg). She is good friends with Ares and Johnny and is Greg's girlfriend.

I need some help from you guys. I'm having trouble figuring out what kind of helicopter that the Mozambique Army uses. At first I thought of using a Mil Mi-24, but decided agianst it because they coul defeat Renamo to easily. I'm looking for a transport helicopter that could be found around the southern portian of Africa. Also could anyone suggest a few scenes for my story, I'm kind of running on empty.

Something French maybe? Or whatever Russia used before the Hind?

An AS 532 Eurocopter is a good canidate, probaly with a FN MAG as a door gun. Anyway, do you have any suggestions for scenes? I'm stuck at the arms deal with th Shartlo Blair character.

4 words: Big. Ass. Pistol. Fight

I'll might use it in a scene where Greg and Ares are doing a building search incase of Renamo. Greg has his M1911 which has been fitted with a sound suppressor and Ares uses his H&K Mk.23 that is also suppressed. They go into a room and suddenly, a man armed with an AKMS opens fire upon them. They quickily take him down with mutiple shots from thier pistols. Greg stops to reload, but he then hears noise coming from another room. He motions Ares to the room next door.

Sounds cool. Tell me if you ever publish the book so I can buy a copy

One thing that would be cool, dont just describe the guns, describe peoples gear, what they found is a confortable way to carry them, items they found to be practical they carry, etc. Type of holster (maybe a thigh holster, maybe they have a crossdraw or molle vest, a standard strongside hip holster.) Gives a little more depth than just a list of guns.

I'm going to take your advice K9870 and write down what equipment each character carries.

- Greg keeps his M1911 in a belt holster based on the design of a M1916 Hip Holster. He wears a tan flak jacket with Kevlar body armor under an olive colored T-shirt. He wears his old dog tags around his neck as a good luck charm. As for the lower part of his body, he wears a pair of camo patterned cargo pants and a pair of black combat boots covered with dusk. He carries a large jack knife on the left side of his belt and a double magazine pouch for his pistol is located right behind his holster (which he keeps on his right). His bag is a US Peacekeeper Rapid Deployment Pack. He keeps two 30-round STANAG magazines in each of the two magazine pouches on the front and a single magazine for his M1911 on the side.As for his gear, he keeps six M321 grenades (Portugese version of the M26 grenade that has been adopted by the South African army) along with a M18 smoke grenade. He keeps three more STANAG magazines in his bag for the rest of his ammunition. Other items he keeps in his bag includes a Med kit, a packet of Marlboro cigarrettes, a stianless Zippo lighter, amd a some rations.

STANAG, not STANMAG.

Can someone suggest a few other firearms that can be used in the story? I have an idea that Greg meets another mercinary team at the Mozambique Army base and thier leader, Nolan, carries a Norinco Type 84S fitted with Galil stlye folding stock. Any ideas of what his mercinaries carries?

Id say other AK variants. Share ammo. Have one with a gp-25. Have one squad marksman with a bolt action, maybe a savage with harris bipod and night scope. Sidearms should be a little more personalizedthough. A swuad gunner too. Im not sure what type of SAWs are local to south africa though. Maybe give one a Stryker.

Stick an R5, the South African version of the Galil SAR, or two in there, too. Or R6 if you want something that can be "tacticooled" up.

As far as SAWs go, doesn't South Africa use a locally-produced derivative of the Negev light machine gun?

Good thinking. I'll think they'll be used in the story when they are send in as back up to Greg's team and the two soldiers. The marksman will be named Tic-Tac and he'll carry a L1A1 SLR fitted with a high powered scope. Another one will be named Johnson. He'll be the squad gunner and he'll carry a FN Minimi Paratrooper version fitted with a 200-round ammo drum. The second in command is Milo and he carries Norinco Type 56 fitted with a AKM style muzzle break and Remington 870 fitted with synthetic furniture, a heat shield, and a high capicity magazine tube. The last mercinary is named Joesph and he carries a AKM fitted with two magazines taped together "Jungle Style".