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Gunmaster45 06-24-2010 03:08 AM

9 Common Firearm Errors Hollywood Loves To Make
Request: Since it was requested I post this failed cracked article on here, please don't post until everything is completely done (it'll probably take a couple posts before I get everything on here. Thanks.

Anybody who has ever watched a movie in their life knows that guns are a very important part of the film industry. Even though California is probably one of the most anti-gun states out there, when it comes to cinema, guns have Cali by the short hairs. How badass could the film protagonist be unless he could take down hoards of half-wit henchmen with the newest and coolest guns? Respectively, very lame.

Film armorers have the job of supplying these guns for films, which are blank converted and modified for whatever insane needs the film makers require, and also have most of the responsibility of making sure the actors and film makers don’t kill anybody with their sheer stupidity.

But even the smartest and most gun savvy of onset coordinators and armorers cannot fully stop the madness of Hollyweird, and thus in cinema today many firearms errors are present solely because they “look cool” or the director politely “doesn’t give a fuck”, including...

(in next post...)

Gunmaster45 06-24-2010 03:44 AM

9. Guns Never Run Out of Bullets:
As seen in: Last Man Standing, Shoot ‘Em Up, Last Action Hero, Everything by John Woo, Everything by Michael Bay... basically every action movie ever made.

Now, for those of you who aren’t aware of this (prepare to have your mind BLOWN), firearms have a limited capacity of ammunition. Which can be exhausted. Quickly.

Because we cannot blatantly assume film makers are flat out witches (yet...), we have no choice but to call shenanigans on their fondness of raping the shit out of realism using crafty film editing. Unless you are a rather anal OCD psychopath who closely counts the number of shots fired from Ah-nuld’s Desert Eagle (slowly raises hand), most people don’t notice these errors. But once in a blue moon they are blatant. Extremely blatant. And I do mean that in the most redundant of senses.

Take “Last Man Standing” for instance, an action movie released in 1996 starring Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken, which retells the story of the 1964 spaghetti western “A Fistful of Dollars” starring Clint Eastwood in a more modern sense i.e., more guns, more violence, more boobs, more swearing, and more gritty voiceovers. Bruce plays John Smith, a lone gunman who dual wields a pair of beautiful Colt M1911A1 pistols in .45 ACP in cross draw holsters. For the record, in film it seems any man named “Smith” or “John Smith” is a gun wielding badass.

Every time Smith draws his .45’s, a hail of 40-50 bullets follow with no ceasing and an immense amount of firepower. While really cool to watch and all, a standard M1911A1 has a magazine capacity of seven rounds. Eight if you load one in the chamber first.

Take a moment and re-do that entire film in your head with that realism in mind... yep, he’s dead already. He does reload plenty of times in the movie, granted, it’s just he does so when someone wrote it in the script. Not even when the slides lock back three. times. in. a. row. does he run out of ammo. Not until the badass reload scenes come up.
Aww, we can’t stay mad at that badassery.

And in case you think I’m just picking on this movie, here’s some screengrabs from other films which follow similar suit.

I could do this all day...

(more coming soon...)

MT2008 06-26-2010 02:32 PM

Nice! Keep 'em coming.

PersonOfInterest 07-01-2010 08:33 PM

I find this far more entertaining then the article. I await the rest of it with hopeful anticipation. :)

S&Wshooter 07-01-2010 08:36 PM

That reminds me of my friend. Total Star Trek/ Star Wars geek

Gunmaster45 07-01-2010 10:47 PM

8. Dual-wielding Guns Shown Practical
As seen in: The Matrix trilogy, Last Man Standing, Shoot ‘Em Up, Woo flicks, etc., etc.,

Lets stop and think of the logic in this madness. If I have one gun, I can kill people. If I have two guns, can’t I kill even MORE people? This is clearly what Hollywood thinks.
Although Gary Busey might agree.

There’s actually a quote from Hard Boiled, a John Woo film starring Chow Yun-Fat, where his commanding officer quips, “Give a guy a gun and he’s Superman, give him two and he’s God!”
Pictured: God (according to Hong Kong action cinema

Anybody who has every fired a gun with one hand before knows it’s not easy to hit something because of human error. Now putting a gun in not only your dominant hand, but your non-dominant hand as well (your hand that has no skill at aiming, trigger control, recoil control, masturbation skills...), your chances of hitting anything are actually reduced.

Now because movie firearms can be reduced in weight and blanks create no felt recoil, Keanu can fire off a pair of Heckler & Koch MP5Ks without the slightest of worries.

Also, if you use enough slow motion, pretty effects and pretty actresses, you can make people forget things.

Like a petite woman in her 40’s could not dual wield two .50 AE Desert Eagles with such finesse, because a full grown man or woman has enough trouble firing one with two hands.

In short, realism gives people their just desserts... eagle.\

(more still to come, these take forever to make...)

PersonOfInterest 07-01-2010 10:56 PM

How do recoil operated firearms work with blanks?

S&Wshooter 07-01-2010 11:38 PM


Originally Posted by PersonOfInterest (Post 14964)
How do recoil operated firearms work with blanks?

Magic and shit :D

PersonOfInterest 07-01-2010 11:51 PM


Originally Posted by S&Wshooter (Post 14968)
Magic and shit :D

I'm like, 99% sure that can't be correct.:rolleyes:

S&Wshooter 07-02-2010 12:01 AM


Originally Posted by PersonOfInterest (Post 14973)
I'm like, 99% sure that can't be correct.:rolleyes:

Miracles then?

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