I once ate a census taker's liver with some fava beans and a nice glass of Chianti.

lol...burts comment ftw

See? We can be friends and play nice. :)

I just made an article for a Punisher reboot:

http://comicbookmovie.com/news/?a=23104

no we can't you dumb sonuvabitch! :D

Here's the ultimate scam:

1. Find the worst screenplay ever written

2. Hire the worst director in town (Michael Bay)

3. Raise $2 million (Two?) Yes, one for me, one for you. There's a lot of little old ladies out there.

4. Hire the worst actors in Hollywood (e.g. Megan Fox, Ashton Kutcher) and show the film at Cannes

And before you can step 5 . . .

We close at Cannes, take our $2 million and head to Rio!

We had crossdressing day and dress like a nerd day. I hate my school

Hmm...:

1. Olivia Munn

2. Lucia Dvorska

3. Daniella Sarahyba

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt

5. My neighbor's friend

hey we have
twin day *which is now christmas day (wtf?)
nascar day
and other gay days that i don't want to think about
im studying for latin dammit!

Shoulda took German. It's pretty easy

Got one with the 300 Weatherby Magnum in between the shoulders. Had to put him in a bucket until I could get the backhoe from o'er yonder. Just kidding

couldn't it was latin, spanish, or french, and french blows...

No German? Racists

This is the hardest deceison I had to make in my Life!:

http://www.tmz.com/2009/10/08/natali...omments-anchor

Tmz? I'd Ventura Hammer you if I had the time

French gets you the bitches.

You've had a very easy life.

Seriously guys, help me decide before my head explodes!

Be a man. Choose both.

You're a life saver!

Two words: EPIC FAIL

http://www.tmz.com/2010/01/16/mila-k...omments-anchor

It seems that I work through lunch every day.

Why hasn't Chris Hansen been arrested for impersonating a police officer?

Because not only is he not impersonating a police officer, he doesn't even conduct the investigations. He just interviews the suspects before they are arrested. The actual investigations are performed by members of Perverted Justice, a pseudo-vigilante organization that isn't affiliated with NBC/Universal/GE/Vivendi whoever the hell they are now.

Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis walk into a bar. The bar explodes since it can't handle that much hotness.

That was lame

O RLY?:

http://www.esquire.com/cm/esquire/im...g-86927221.jpg

http://www.tvpredictions.com/hotportman444.jpg

YA RLY. Natalie Portman is really hot, but Mila Kunis isn't my thing

They are both equally hot and leave that porcelain doll Megan Fox in the dust.

As Kelso would put it: BUUUURRRRNNNN!

Here's my final recast - Breakfast At Tiffany's (featuring the character's from Truman Capote's book):

Holly Golightly - Mila Kunis

Fred - Cillian Murphy

Joe Bell - Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Driving to school makes me like my peers alot less

Just found out they are hiring at Best Buy and I know the manager. Awesome

Why, do they all ask you for rides?

The other drivers are douchebags who barely know how to drive

i hate when you get your licence and everyone tries to bum rides, its even more pathetic when there like 20 and dont drive.

Just ask them for gas money and you can become relatively wealthy fairly quickly.

What ever happen to Macaulay Culkin? Didn't he overdose outside the Viper Room? Wait, that was River Phoenix.