9 Common Firearm Errors Hollywood Loves To Make
 

Request: Since it was requested I post this failed cracked article on here, please don't post until everything is completely done (it'll probably take a couple posts before I get everything on here. Thanks.

Anybody who has ever watched a movie in their life knows that guns are a very important part of the film industry. Even though California is probably one of the most anti-gun states out there, when it comes to cinema, guns have Cali by the short hairs. How badass could the film protagonist be unless he could take down hoards of half-wit henchmen with the newest and coolest guns? Respectively, very lame.


Film armorers have the job of supplying these guns for films, which are blank converted and modified for whatever insane needs the film makers require, and also have most of the responsibility of making sure the actors and film makers don’t kill anybody with their sheer stupidity.

But even the smartest and most gun savvy of onset coordinators and armorers cannot fully stop the madness of Hollyweird, and thus in cinema today many firearms errors are present solely because they “look cool” or the director politely “doesn’t give a fuck”, including...

(in next post...)

9. Guns Never Run Out of Bullets:
As seen in: Last Man Standing, Shoot ‘Em Up, Last Action Hero, Everything by John Woo, Everything by Michael Bay... basically every action movie ever made.

Now, for those of you who aren’t aware of this (prepare to have your mind BLOWN), firearms have a limited capacity of ammunition. Which can be exhausted. Quickly.

Because we cannot blatantly assume film makers are flat out witches (yet...), we have no choice but to call shenanigans on their fondness of raping the shit out of realism using crafty film editing. Unless you are a rather anal OCD psychopath who closely counts the number of shots fired from Ah-nuld’s Desert Eagle (slowly raises hand), most people don’t notice these errors. But once in a blue moon they are blatant. Extremely blatant. And I do mean that in the most redundant of senses.

Take “Last Man Standing” for instance, an action movie released in 1996 starring Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken, which retells the story of the 1964 spaghetti western “A Fistful of Dollars” starring Clint Eastwood in a more modern sense i.e., more guns, more violence, more boobs, more swearing, and more gritty voiceovers. Bruce plays John Smith, a lone gunman who dual wields a pair of beautiful Colt M1911A1 pistols in .45 ACP in cross draw holsters. For the record, in film it seems any man named “Smith” or “John Smith” is a gun wielding badass.


Every time Smith draws his .45’s, a hail of 40-50 bullets follow with no ceasing and an immense amount of firepower. While really cool to watch and all, a standard M1911A1 has a magazine capacity of seven rounds. Eight if you load one in the chamber first.

Take a moment and re-do that entire film in your head with that realism in mind... yep, he’s dead already. He does reload plenty of times in the movie, granted, it’s just he does so when someone wrote it in the script. Not even when the slides lock back three. times. in. a. row. does he run out of ammo. Not until the badass reload scenes come up.


And in case you think I’m just picking on this movie, here’s some screengrabs from other films which follow similar suit.


I could do this all day...

(more coming soon...)

Nice! Keep 'em coming.

I find this far more entertaining then the cracked.com article. I await the rest of it with hopeful anticipation. :)

http://i46.tinypic.com/24npjya.jpg

That reminds me of my friend. Total Star Trek/ Star Wars geek

8. Dual-wielding Guns Shown Practical
As seen in: The Matrix trilogy, Last Man Standing, Shoot ‘Em Up, Woo flicks, etc., etc.,

Lets stop and think of the logic in this madness. If I have one gun, I can kill people. If I have two guns, can’t I kill even MORE people? This is clearly what Hollywood thinks.


There’s actually a quote from Hard Boiled, a John Woo film starring Chow Yun-Fat, where his commanding officer quips, “Give a guy a gun and he’s Superman, give him two and he’s God!”


Anybody who has every fired a gun with one hand before knows it’s not easy to hit something because of human error. Now putting a gun in not only your dominant hand, but your non-dominant hand as well (your hand that has no skill at aiming, trigger control, recoil control, masturbation skills...), your chances of hitting anything are actually reduced.

Now because movie firearms can be reduced in weight and blanks create no felt recoil, Keanu can fire off a pair of Heckler & Koch MP5Ks without the slightest of worries.


Also, if you use enough slow motion, pretty effects and pretty actresses, you can make people forget things.

Like a petite woman in her 40’s could not dual wield two .50 AE Desert Eagles with such finesse, because a full grown man or woman has enough trouble firing one with two hands.


In short, realism gives people their just desserts... eagle.\

(more still to come, these take forever to make...)

How do recoil operated firearms work with blanks?

Magic and shit :D

I'm like, 99% sure that can't be correct.:rolleyes:

Miracles then?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-agl0pOQfs

Hurr hurr hilarious. I ask because I've never fired blanks before and whenever an autoloader I've fired has failed to cycle I can still feel the recoil.

Re: Star Trek Guy.

You can see the cell phone he took the picture with in the upper right corner.
I totally have that cell phone. I hope that's not a picture of me!

Good article GM, I can see why it got rejected though, it's too technical for the layman I bet.

Not enough dick jokes.

I'm pretty sure I have one or two coming up in the article. :p

Cracked requires a minimum of six.

Sometimes you even see big Hollywood stars carrying around Desert Eagles and humongous magnums as if they were dick extensions.

In reality though, carrying a large caliber handgun doesn't make your dick larger; in fact, it has nothing to do with dicks at all.

Shocking stuff here, but it's important to note that carrying around a sufficiently trendy weapon(let's say for example something by H&K) will make you a colossal prick.

So what's the trendy weapon now?

Easy. AA-12.

It's appeared in 24. The Expendables, GI Joe, Predators.

Don't know if that's enough action movies for it to be trendy.

I have to agree, I think the AA-12 is the new Beretta of the moment.

When I was in middle school i drew a comic about a pair of super spies trying to stop the evil plot of a mysterious billionaire madman and his nefarious cronies. One of the henchmen was a big burly Native American fellow by the name of Sitting Duck. I decided he needed a serious piece of hardware for executing his henchman duties, so I "invented" a weapon for him to use; the Thompson Shotgun.

So yeah I was using the AA12 in my work before it was cool. :cool:

You do know the AA-12 was originally invented in 1972 before it got remade in the 2000s. Then before that you got the USAS-12 which was also a full auto shotgun that was invented in the 1980s, so the idea of a full auto shotgun has been around way before it was cool. I first saw the USAS-12 in a Jackie Chan movie.

You now have to make the page for whatever movie that is.

I did. It's called Police Story 3: Super Cop

What was the Jackie Chan movie where he had to pull a cactus out of a girl's butt and somebody was audio recording it and then they played it in court and he got all embarrassed?

I dont remember a movie like that. You mind being a bit more specific?

I'd comment more on how drastically this thread has drifted, but I've been too lazy to keep writing my article, so I guess it'll fly. This could be a new thread on the new "in" gun right now though. :cool:

Yeah, and in GI joe it was portrayed as an assault rifle. LOL

Yeah but the UAS 12 jams so much you would think someone rubbed peanut butter on the bolt assembly.

"Now because movie firearms can be reduced in weight and blanks create no felt recoil, Keanu can fire off a pair of Heckler & Koch MP5Ks without the slightest of worries."

That doesn't count, Neo (Keanu's character) can bend the rules of physics in the virtual matrix he's fighting in, so recoil could be easily conquered in that sci-fi setting, he also fires an m16a1 in mid cartwheel, but in a world as fallable as a videogame on crack, thats perfectly acceptable within the films fiction.

Also he can fly, so arguing about the physics in The Matrix is really just an exercise in how far you can shove a stick up your own ass.

I wish I could but that was the only part I saw. It was dubbed so it was for sure made in Hong Kong.

Sounds like the classic "putting things into a bag inside a tent so it looks like from outside the tent you are putting things into the mouth of your sleeping roommate" thing.

Anyway, trendy guns and gun mistakes.........
Did you already mention the whole Shur Fine Guns trope?
I think it goes like this:
Jammed gun = broken gun.
Dropped gun = fired gun.

I've seen a lot of Jackie Chan movies and I don't remember a cactus