I attempted to eat an apple weighing at least 1 1/4 lbs. I only got about 75% of the way through

I called the rape advice hotline earlier...
....turns out its only for victims!:p

Where do they grow apples that big?

as i said: everything is bigger in texas

L. Brent Bozell lll hates these two songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vldh7...QL&playnext=42

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFX65dWmHDw

It wasn't even the biggest apple in the bin! It was the biggest that wasn't bruised though

This is not to encourage anything, but here's a list of remakes on the way. Some have names attached, some don't. Some I knew they were working on (Mad Max,) some I didn't (All Quiet on the Western Front.)

http://www.nextmovie.com/blog/upcoming-movie-remakes/

I'll recast Commando, Westworld, and Romancing the Stone.

Here's my Romancing the Stone recast:

Jack T. Colton - Elijah Wood

Joan Wilder - Natalie Portman

Ralph the Comical Swindler - Craig Ferguson

Colonel Zolo - Javier Bardem

Elaine Wilder - Rachel McAdams

Juan the Smuggler - Wilmer Valderrama

I dig this groovy cat, man:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5JOCfvTypE